I'd welcome any opinions/suggestions on this little dance sequence between the YA heroine Loralye and her heart-thob Elven boyfriend Adrius. I can vividly picture what I have in mind, but not sure if it comes across in words. What do you think? (bear in mind I'd just finished watching the movie Dirty Dancing for the hundredth time...check out the mini clip below)
And don't forget to peruse the Six Sentence website for more delicious sixes! All comments are welcomed, encouraged, and on occasion, paid for..........just kidding!
“I can’t think clearly when you do that?” I said over the steady pump of vibrating bass.With another sharp twirl, I was facing him again, his arms locked around my waist.“You mean this?” He anchored his hand under my thigh, drawing my leg up around his hip as he dipped me back in a deep plunge. His nose swept the arc of my body and he pressed his lips to the hollow of my throat. My breath hitched as he placed the briefest kiss, before pulling me upright.“Yes,” I gasped, breathless, “That.”
clip credit: 1987 movie Dirty Dancing
Why does dancing always seem more erotic than actual sex? I've never danced like that! XD
ReplyDeleteYour description of his seduction is very visual - I had no problem seeing it. Great dance between these two - verbally and physically.
ReplyDeleteFor me it works perfectly.
ReplyDeleteThe scene is very smooth. I can picture it perfectly in my mind. Very nice.
ReplyDeleteThank you by the way for the link to my post about writing!
I'm with Shai, dancing is a very erotic act! And this six is sensational in proving that -- the choreography is clear, and I could not only 'see' the dance, but feel it too. fab six! And ah... DD, fav movie!
ReplyDeleteOh, very sensual. ;) Love it!
ReplyDeleteSo...sounds like she's had the time of her life! LOL!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with subbing.
ReplyDeleteVery sensual piece :)
Now that's dirty dancing.
ReplyDeleteoh, fantastic snippet. I love that. So visual, so sedcutive, can feel the heat and sweet tension...lovely.
ReplyDeleteIt absolutely comes across. Well done and very enjoyable scene.
ReplyDeleteYeah, don't worry. It comes across very clearly. Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteThat was awesome! Incredibly sexy without being graphic and easy to visualize. I think you knocked it out of the park.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I have long maintained that Dirty Dancing is the greatest movie ever made. :)
You captured a very sensual scene. I don't think you need to change anything. Well written!
ReplyDeleteI'm breathless too, just from reading your six sentences! Your description came across very well.
ReplyDeleteExcellent job painting the scene.
ReplyDeleteA beautiful and sensual scene that wonderfully captures the sense of movement and seduction!
ReplyDelete~Xakara
Dawn's Early Light
Sweet, moves! I can't help but think that as he bends her backward and her leg is wrapped around his hip, that if he is as turned on as she, wouldn't (as choreography goes...) she be able to feel his erection just before he adjusts to do this-- "His nose swept the arc of my body and he pressed his lips to the hollow of my throat." Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteThank you all so much for your comments.....they mean the world to me. I'm glad the choreography made sense and I agree Dirty dancing totally rocks!
ReplyDeleteKathleen, you're right, she probably would feel it, but since I'm writing YA, I have to leave those juicy bits out. ;)
Wooo! Can definitely picture that! Awesomely sexy scene!
ReplyDeleteOoh, yum! Sexy six! :)
ReplyDeleteI could picture it clearly, except for this line:
ReplyDelete"With another sharp twirl, I was facing him..."
The way it is now, it sounds like the twirl was something she did under her own intention/power, but I think instead, he would have been the one controlling/instigating the movement?
Very sexy! Great six!
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